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Transcript of this Ep 5 – A little further down the page.
In this Ep 5 – This Is Yu – Couples Working Together, Carole and I get busy revealing our do’s and don’t surrounding the mystical world of how you work with your partner!
We take real world problems and what we do to resolve them though our comprehensive 7 steps of isights and execution:
1) Listening & Communicating
2) Business Plan, Goals Joint Vision
3) Financials
4) Business vs. Personal Time
5) Power Struggles
6) Meetings
7) Time Management
8) Bonus Insight – Positivity
Plus in ” Worth The Spend ” we explore planners:
www.ErinCondren.com
www.ProductivityPlanner.com
www.PassionPlanner.com
We talk about a 58sec Slo-Mo Food Video we shot and why that’s important for your business.
Home base for us is www.ThisIsYu.com
Come say hi on Instagram @ThisIsYuOfficial
Tell your friends about us, give us some love on Apple Podcasts – SEARCH – This Is Yu Podcast and comment – we love reading your comments – make us better and we appreciate you!!!
Scott & Carole
Scott
Hello, guys. Welcome. My name is Scott Stewart
Carole
and I’m Carole Yu.
Scott
And this is Episode 5 of This Is Yu this week we’re going to dive deep into couples working together. Not so much in the workplace. Like working together with someone at IBM or Apple, but working with your partner. Your better half in a home environment, just like Carole and I have. Isn’t that right? Carole
Carole
Scott and I have worked together for the past seven years, and it’s been up and down mostly up. These are the insights that we have gained from that time of working together.
Scott
Yes, we’re not claiming to be experts in this by any capacity. It’s just we’ve gone through a bunch of stuff while working together, whether it was in a retail store, M 0851 which we were together every day. And now, presently we’re working on
Carole
This Is Yu where we have a food oriented blogged. We sell surfaces and we do photos and video for other bloggers and for our own business.
Scott
What we’ve done is from our past experiences. We’ve come up with a list of seven these air seven key components that we feel is important and the lessons that we’ve learned from them, Number one is listening and community.
Carole
Anyway, I was saying, I’m
Scott
sorry, would you say
Carole
I know we have different communication styles basically in life, not just our communication style. I am pretty passive aggressive, I guess. Very passive aggressive. And what is your communication stuff?
Scott
Well, I would be the Donny to your Marie. I would be direct. I’m more direct and specific. With our communication, you have a tendency to walk gently around behind me and then stab me in the back with a knife. Where is all just square up with you? Pull out my gun and shoot you dead in the street. Even though I love you, honey, we are going to give you an example of our different styles. We just had it happened moments ago when we’re actually completing our list of items were sitting down and Google docks. I suggest something Carol doesn’t like that and just complains about it. Doesn’t offer a suggestion, but just says she doesn’t like it. What happens to me is I have to go and figure out what she likes and change it to that. It gets kind of difficult. When Carole and I first started dating, there was an issue with their communication style. This is how it used to go. Hey Scott, Would you like to go to a restaurant? And I would say Sure. And she would say,
Carole
How about Japanese? Let’s go for Japanese. I really want sushi.
Scott
Ya let’s go there. Then we would get in the car, start backing out the driveway, and Carole would go.
Carole
Well, you know what? Actually, let’s go for Thai!
Scott
Okay? Ya, sure let’s go for Thai. So as we were driving to the Thai restaurant Carole would say:
Carole
You know, actually, I think I really want Japanese noodles. Let’s go back to that first Japanese place.
Scott
Okay? And I had problems with this because it always shifted. We could never go from point A to point B. There was always a huge shift. It was a really simple communication style that we both had. And to the point where I don’t think Carole even knew she was aware that she did that. Is that right?
Carole
No, I just was thinking and then would just verbalize. But I wouldn’t think about the results of how it affected you.
Scott
Whenever this happened, it would make me kind of crazy. And I would feel off balance. And I wasn’t quite sure what it was until I started to explore it. Then I mentioned it to her and pointed it out each and every time we did it. She still does it in a lot of different capacities. I’ve learned to deal with it.
Carole
I guess so. I guess I try not to be so wishy washy. Flip floppy now
Scott
And from the wise words of Led Zeppelin Communication Breakdown Hey, girl, stop what you’re doing. Hey, girl, you’ll drive me to ruin. I don’t know what it is I like about you, but I like it a lot. Communication Breakdown. It’s always the same. I’m having a nervous breakdown. Drive me insane. Carole and I do have these communication breakdowns on a daily basis. Now what happens when that happens? Because we all have problems with communication. Whether it’s with bosses, wives, girlfriends, sons, daughters, husbands, mothers, postman, you get the idea. What we’d like to do now is talk about issues that we feel are important in resolving communication problems.
Carole
One of the things that I’ve learned in my relationship with communicating with Scott is that listening is an important trait that both of us should possess. I have a difficult time when we’re talking, and I think that about what I want to say. And sometimes I’m not listening to him because I’m trying to formulate what I’m going to say.
Scott
Making your interaction or communication clear is paramount. There’s so many situations in our relationship where I assume she means something from what she said when actually she means something else. So it’s very important to clarify.
Carole
Your opinion counts. Basically, I feel sometimes that my opinion is not heard, so I start to get pushy. I start to say it over and over again, and then I stopped listening and I realize that I need to understand what Scott is saying, and I need to make my point and my opinion clearly without stepping on his toes. So I need to really trust and respect what he is saying and also have that feeling that he is understanding me. In having this discussion. We’re actually not communicating very well while we’re making this podcast because we’re having a non argument over how to communicate to you. What are points are never assume that you understand what the other person is talking about.
Scott
Empathy is huge. We understand one another struggles that is a huge component. Rather than just making the conversation all about me, me, me and getting my point across, I spend time understanding Carole’s struggles and have empathy for her and getting her ideas across in a fashion that she is comfortable with expressing her ideas.
Carole
I think over the years we’ve had some resentment build up because we do struggle with communication. But it is something that we know that we need to work on, and we do all the time. We really know that listening and communication is absolutely essential in a relationship.
Scott
Talking to your spouse about your individual challenges without harboring resentment or jealousy is huge. I know I have a problem with that. I’ve had that ever since I was a kid, where I take it very personally when someone doesn’t get my ideas or concepts and that is something that I’m working on on a daily on a weekly basis. And it’s not just with Carole, it’s with other people too. You learn your partner can’t really be your everything. When I was a kid, my parents they were my everything. It was only as I grew that I learned that my parents were just people. They were going through their own problems, their own issues, their own fears, desires and wants. Once I realized with Carole that she’s just a human. She can’t be all things, every single thing that I want her to be. I just focus on her positive things and it moves a conversation forward.
Carole
Speak up about problems before it’s too late.
Scott
There’s that old adage. Don’t go to bed angry. We try and practice that. But there are many times we do goto bed angry. It is best to get out the information to your partner and communicated before you retire for the night. It just so many times I’ve woken up in the morning with bruised legs from where Carole has been kicking me all night long.
Carole
No, that’s Momo the dog. That’s not me.
Scott
Pay attention to what the other person says. As simple as that statement is, it’s a very complex thing to do just because we have so much going on in her head. But if you could just take a step back from the conversation, take a deep breath and just focus on what they are actually saying,
Carole
Right, what they actually are meaning not just the words that they’re saying. Number 2, Business plan goals and Joint Vision. We never had a business plan for M 0851 or really, even now, for This Is Yu, and we know that it is something that we should do. So Scott, why do you think that we don’t do that?
Scott
I’ve wondered that myself often, and I don’t really have an explanation for it. There is so many business books out there in the world. There are so many podcast, so many bloggers that talk about having a business plan. When you go to Harvard Business School Day one, they are talking about a business plan. That is something that both Carole an I struggle with. We’ve sat down to do them. I think it’s the forecasting aspect of it where it’s going to go where we want it to go, makes it difficult for us to sit in the present moment and understand where we want it to go. There are so many variables that we can’t understand them all.
Carole
So what is it that you think we do? We go day by day, and then we just plan things as it goes along. How do we do our business plans? How do we come up with our goals?
Scott
I know for myself, ever since I’ve been young, in my mind, there’s a sense of having a plan ties me down. It locks in the options, and then I don’t have other options to choose from. The way I’m looking at it now is I am not happy with the results in my life that I’ve occurred over these years, and I am now willing to try anything to change the way my mind thinks about things. So I am all open to sitting down and working on a business plan with you at this present time.
Carole
Okay, well, we should do that. We’ve found that Scott and I have complementary skills, and it’s best that we work together in combination. He calls it the chopping wood cooking food syndrome.
Scott
What that is, it just helps clearly define what needs to be done in the traditional sense. The man chops the wood woman cooks the food. ( Carole growls ) I don’t You might want some Tums for that, Carole. I don’t really care if I cooked the food and she chops the wood. It’s just finding what you’re good at and doing it, because the ultimate goal is is that you have a life together. Where we get into problems, is is when I start stepping into the cooking or Carole starts chopping wood. Then we are both doing a little bit of each other’s job, and it doesn’t get done as quickly or as fluidly as we could do it. When we define the situation very clearly,
Carole
We also have different expectations based on our upbringings, there are just certain ways that people think about what should be done and how much we should plan and whether we should make a pro or con list. So that is something that we’ve decided that we really need to do moving forward, and we really need to make clear boundaries based on our strengths. So, Scott, what do you think about that?
Scott
I’m just going back to what I spoke of earlier, where it’s dividing and conquering responsibilities based on our strengths. One thing that’s very important to me and I know to. Carole, too, is feeling satisfied and fulfilled by what we are doing, and I’ll give an example in this. In my heart of hearts, I feel I was born to entertain people through my acting through stand up through ventriloquism, and I’ve pursued that I haven’t pursued it the 100% that I need to pursue it in our situation. Now I’m spending. In my opinion, I feel too much time on this business on the blog’s all dive deep into something like making a video or doing a post and a bunch of hours go by. And I don’t get to do what I truly feel fulfilled in, which is my acting career. I’ll postpone that and day after day after day. What happens is I start to accumulate resentment because I’m not doing what I really want to truly be doing, which is my acting and stand up. That leads me to the next point of go all in. There’s nothing wrong with going all in but be flexible and this gets back to my last point. The way I’m approaching it now is I’m working on the blog on our business, but I need to be flexible and understand that I don’t need to spend the whole day just working on this business. I need to expand and go into my acting career and go all in on that.
Carole
The thing that I find interesting, too, is that you are flexible. For example, in regards to the chopping wood and cooking food, there have been times where I’ve not been available. I’ve been at my other full time job, and you’ve been able to take over doing the food styling and that kind of thing. So Scott’s really great, and being flexible in reaching our goals for our businesses.
Scott
Another problem when you’re working with your spouse, not being aligned on goals is a huge component to a relationship. It gets back to not having a business plan, sitting down with your better half and deciding which direction you want to go with the company. Who is going to do what? Basically, it’s just having a business plan and being clear about your ideas of moving it forward.
Carole
Scott, how do you feel that we are able to move our business forward? This Is Yu. We’ve really done a lot in the last six months. How do you think we’ve been able to do that without a written business plan?
Scott
I think it has to do with the blind leading the blind, the blind are constantly moving forward. They just don’t know when the direction which they’re going, if they’re heading towards the cliff, if they’re heading towards the tar pits, if they’re heading towards the lava flow or they’re heading towards the Spa. I’m just trying to make it clearer for us that we are headed towards the Spa.
Carole
Right, and I think it’s fine that I like that analogy because if you’re blind, you’re still moving forward. You don’t know where you’re going, but you have a path and a journey that you are moving forward.
Scott
We find it’s really important to divvy up the tasks. Carole does this, and I do. That example being is when we’re shooting a video, I handle the technical side of things the camera, the settings, all that. Carole’s really good with styling. She knows where to get fresh produce and she goes out and does that. One of the key takeaways from this is just make sure you’re aligned on your core values and your goals, even if your style’s are drastically different. Because Caroel, you and I have different styles, whether it’s clothing, whether it’s the way we approach work or life or hair color. Carole has purple hair color, which I love.
Carole
Let’s talk about the 3rd area Financials. Having your own business and being entrepreneurs really gives you a lack of job security, and that’s something that we’ve really had to be okay with.
Scott
It’s a scary proposition. You don’t have a paycheck coming in each and every day you’re spending time building something that in your mind is going to grow to the point where you are receiving income and abundance on a daily basis. But you have to have the belief in yourself because you have family members. You have friends telling you that you won’t be able to do it, not verbally, but with their little innuendos here and there. It’s very difficult to be self contained and move forward.
Carole
So couples should have an annual savings plan. They need to send out money for future needs for vacations for retirement. We currently do have health insurance. We do have a retirement fund. However, we don’t ever take vacations and that is something that we are working on. We’d both love to be able to go to Bali, right?
Scott
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it makes it difficult with having the business because you’re constantly thinking about the business,
Carole
And you’re constantly putting money back into the business.
Scott
4. Business versus personal time. One of the cons with this that I see when you’re in a relationship with your lovely wife, in my example, and you have a business together, there is always the possibility that things just won’t work out. We are in California, which has a super high divorce rate. The crazy thing is, once your business starts getting successful, what happens when you decide to split up? I find it really interesting with the Rock and his first wife. He has since married, so he’s got a second wife. But he’s back best business partners with his first wife because they both share a desire and a drive to move forward and work really hard at it doesn’t get in the way. They have a good relationship.
Carole
Maybe that’s what we should do?
Scott
I’m down. Let’s go Divorce court.
Carole
Okay, I’ll marry with the Rock?
Scott
I think you’ve already married the Rock. I’d also like to talk about putting your business work before anything else. We have an example of that. Carole.
Carole
We do have an example of that. Back in 2013 Dara had me as her Momager, and I spent a lot of time with her on Master Chef Jr and her career after that. But I needed to have something in my life. Scott and I decided that we would open a store M0851 but that took me away from Dara. It put our work before our family, and that was a really difficult time for our daughter.
Scott
Makes it difficult when you’re doing a business and you have kids, especially young kids, because they’re used to having your attention. And now you’ve got to focus your energy on something. You’ve got to get off the ground and get it moving and get it up and running. It’s very difficult to split between the two, and I don’t know that we had an answer for that. We just took it day by day, but I know it did bother Dara, and on some levels, I think there might be some resentment because of that.
Carole
I think the difference between working out of the home we had the business M0851 which was a place that we had to go to every day that left a lot of time for her to be alone or for her to have to hang out with friends. Now we have this business which is at home, and we work out of our studio in our backyard. But now the ironic thing is that now Dara is away at school. But I think that would have worked out. That’s why I think a lot of people, when they start having kids, they start having entrepreneurial businesses at home so that they can be flexible and spend time with their family.
Scott
Some of the other things that we found that our problems of working and being together all the time is it just adds stress to your relationship. Just seeing the person each and every day. A lot of times it just becomes about, Yeah, Did you Yeah, I just Did you squeeze the toothpaste from the top rather than the bottom? I thought we talked about that. We also found that it’s important to give each other space because even though we do have this house in a studio in the backyard, you’re always around the person. We have a small kitchen. We just keep banging into each other. You need to unplug when we’re going, going, going all the time. We don’t unplug. It’s also important to prioritize spending time together outside of your business like that, something that comes in in the planning phase. I think in the business plan Carole talked about, going on vacations is important.
Carole
Let me go back to the unplug because Scott, you are so busy with the This Is Yu business the podcast doing food videos, editing, practicing your acting, practicing your ventriloquism, starting to contact agents and managers. He never unplugs. He is always working all the time, and that’s amazing characteristic of Scott. But sometimes I feel like it’s important that he’s unplugging and taking his own personal time. So let’s talk about personal time that you would like to take and also personal time that we take together.
Scott
Okay, one of the things we learned through this process of being together all the time was when we went and spoke with her therapist Michael. He suggested that we go on these nightly walks, we take Mo out. I mentioned this in the last podcast, but we take Mo out at night and we go for about a mile. Walk
Carole
Mo our dog, not a little child.
Scott
He’s a cute little fella. We go for these nightly walks. There’s some criteria that we adhere to…
Carole
try to. Ahere, to…
Scott
which is no cell phones and no talking about the business. And we do it for the majority of the time of the walk.
Carole
But it’s really great because we really connect. We talk about silly things. We laugh. We talk about dog’s poop and pee and things that are not really important, but we get to relax and we get to just spend some time together where we’re not focusing on the business or focusing on ourselves. But we’re focusing on each other,
Scott
Building intimacy. It’s a huge component of our walks. We look for other little things in our day where we can build intimacy. For me, meditation has become part of my day. It helps balance me out and center me, which lends itself to a whole self care ritual, which I’ve been working on in the last couple years, whether it’s exercise, whether it’s diet, whether it’s meditation, when I care for myself, I find I have a tendency to care for Carole more.
Carole
I also have some things I do for myself. I love going to the gym. There is a stretch class I love going to few times a week, if possible, if I have time. And there’s also a spot in Los Angeles called The Wii Spa, which is a Korean spa, and it’s so relaxing you can spend all day long. They’re going in all the hot spas for $25. And that’s something special that I like to do for myself. And for us together we scheduled date nights. What are the things that you’d like to do for date night? Scott.
Scott
I love going to the movies I love when we go and see a movie. I know we call it Date Night, but there are date days, too we’ll go down a Manhattan beach right around sunset, hold hands together and give each other googly eyes
Carole
There are sometimes we have done some other fun things, like going to museums going to the Griffith Park Observatory. We’ve had a lot of fun little date nights that we’ve done.
Scott
The last thing we like to touch on in this section is it’s important to celebrate achievements and successes that you both experienced together, even if they’re little tiny milestones. We check our podcast numbers, and we’ve got a few more listens. We get excited about that, and that’s an important thing because we’ve put energy and time and effort into that. We just try and celebrate each other in this process.
Carole
The 5 issue we want to talk about Power Struggles.
Scott
We have clients. We shoot videos for their usually one minute videos. It’s a recipe it gives you, Ah, quick run through of the recipe, and then the full recipe is at their blogged, during the process of this Carole and I are at each other’s throat. We go crazy over this to the point where it brakes down so badly that we’re just standing still fuming at each other. I think the last one we did, Carole ran out of the studio into the house while I was planning in my head how I was going to run away and join the circus.
Carole
I think that it’s basically you fuming, and I’m actually just trying to do what needs to be done.
Scott
No, no, no, no, no. Don’t let yourself off that easily. When you go running out of here spanking your feet on the ground, it’s like you’re taking your ball and going home. Carole and I have a lot of strong ideas. We spoke about our communication styles earlier, passive aggressive versus the direct, and when those two come together, there’s a little bit of a fire. We do keep a fire extinguisher inside, but it’s a little farther away than we can get to in time.
Carole
That’s why I run out, because I’m going to get the fire extinguisher.
Scott
Ah, that’s what it is. We end up blowing up on each other. We just fume. It makes it really difficult for us to work together. But we’re learning the lessons each and every time that we go through this, and there is a sense that we will move through that once we die down and then we start practicing the things that we’ve spoken about, and it gets better each and every time.
Carole
I think in general we don’t do as much of the fuming and explosive behavior as we used to. I think it’s getting a little bit easier, so hopefully we’re learning ourselves.
Scott
Back in 1985 the U. S. had a song called We Are the World. Canada did their version of it called Tears Are Not Enough. And when I was watching the making of that video was really interesting. As all the musicians and the managers and the agents were walking into the studio, they had a sign above the door that said, Check Your Ego at the Door and as a kid, I didn’t really realize what that meant. But as an adult, I think it’s time you and I put a Check Your Ego at the Door. Carole.
Carole
I think we need to print that out and put it right above the door right there.
Scott
Your phone will come between you and your partner. This is a huge problem for Carole and I. She’s on her phone a lot, and I think I take it personally, get upset, and I get resentful that she’s spending all this time and focus on her phone.
Carole
Yeah, I guess so. I feel that when I go on my phone that I’m doing something that needs to be done. I really have tried to cut my Facebook and social media time down. I feel that I’m being connected by two other people that I’m working with in my full time job and that maybe you should have some understanding. But I understand that Scott also feels that I should be actually listening and communicating with him in that time instead of communicating with someone that isn’t even in the room.
Scott
Just trying to show you guys that this is an ongoing process with us. It’s a learning process. We are learning each and every day. We still have the three steps forward, one step back, but we are moving forward.
Carole
Sometimes we’ll be discussing a situation and you will see that I should do it one way and I will make a small suggestion where I think I’m brainstorming and this is something that through the last seven years has been an issue. I feel like I’m brainstorming, but Scott is saying, thinking that I’m contradicting him so that I think is kind of a bad habit of mine instead of actually formulating a final solution. As Scott said earlier, I just start to talk because I want to say something and I want to feel that my voice is heard. That’s really what it is,
Scott
But let me jump in there, too. And it’s something that I’ve been exploring also in the sense of understanding and having empathy for the way you communicate. It’s important for your voice to get heard, to be a part of what we’re doing, and that is something that I’ve had to learn over time. The lessons we’ve learned from this is acknowledged the tension. There is tension when it starts to build. In the previous podcast, I think it was number two. We started off and we just realized that there was so much tension in the room. We hit the stop button and we took a breath and we stood back and we acknowledged the tension from that. We’re able to hug, just take a deep breath, hit recording away we went.
Carole
I realize we really need to approach conflict with mutual respect. Actually, I need to approach conflict with mutual respect. Many times we start to get in an argument and we start to have a power struggle, and we want to be the person that says the last thing. But I realize that I need to step back and respect Scott because he has really great ideas. In the end, I realized that his direction, his vision is really spot on.
Scott
It’s really easy to play what we call the blame game, and I know I do it myself. Once communication starts to break down, I start blaming the other person. I watched a YouTube video by an ex SEAL team member. Jocko Willink on extreme ownership, and ever since then I’ve tried to practice that in my day today, but also with Carole. If there’s something that happens rather than blaming Carole for it, I take all the ownership of it myself. And lastly, flexibility is huge and so important in a relationship. I’ve been learning that each and every day, so much so that I am now physically lying on the floor, stretching and becoming more flexible myself.
Carole
So now we’re going to talk about another area Number 6 Meetings. So I worked at IBM for about seven years, and when we had meetings, there were always agendas. They’re always meeting leaders it was always written down. People got a list of what we were going to discuss it the meetings and then someone would actually take notes. And as the discussion was being spoken through, people would raise their hands whenever they needed to speak. So it was a very respectful situation and atmosphere. How does that differ from when you have only two people? Well, I think that you can take the basic framework of having an idea about what? Meeting. You want to talk about what subject you want to talk about during your meeting, But you also need to be able to stay within parameters. So, Scott, what’s important for you when you talk about a meeting?
Scott
Well, getting my ideas across to you clearly and understanding your ideas clearly, setting a time frame for the meeting is really important because we’re both busy and actually planning and scheduling a meeting ahead of time. So if we need to do any research on what we need to bring to the meeting, we have plenty of time to do the research.
Carole
Yeah, I think the thing is, when we had M0851 we would have meetings kind of spur of the moment. We would say Hey, we know we need to have a meeting and then we would just start and sometimes they would go on for a long time. I think we’d come up with ideas for marketing when our business was failing. Tell me how that went. What do you remember about that, Scott?
Scott
I remember arguing a lot and I remember you always trying to get out of the meeting and go on to something out, saying you were too busy. I remember the meeting’s being reactive as opposed to proactive right. It’s very important to approach it from a proactive attitude.
Carole
I think what happened is during those meanings I felt like going back to when we were talking about power struggles. I really felt it was a time when we would butt heads and I think we didn’t have any type of agenda for the meetings. And I think if had something like that, perhaps it would have been easier for us to stick with that and also stick with a specific time frame. I remember we had meetings sometimes for up to two hours, and after that time you get frustrated because of the power struggles, and then it just starts to get really disrespectful. So, as Scott said, it is really important that we keep respect and admiration for one another. Scott, tell us about some of the meetings that we’ve had that were fun. Where did we have them?
Scott
I think we had them at Disneyland. We had it once in
Carole
on a roller coaster at Magic Mountain. That was really good.
Scott
That was really fun. The meeting sounded a lot like this. Getting back to the meeting idea. One of the things that always comes up for me is executing on the ideas. So you’re in the meeting, you have an idea and you need to execute on it or if the other person takes ownership of it or they need to execute on the idea. What are the repercussions if that person doesn’t execute on their ideas? You’re together with the person. It’s not like he can fire them. I mean, he could just walk around bitter and angry and resentful. So it’s very important. Have an open communication right down. What the minutes are in the meeting. Who’s taking ownership of what? How that’s going to get done, what time frame It’s gonna get done. And so at the next meeting, you can summarize from the last meeting. What did we get done? Why didn’t we get stuff done where the problems were?
Carole
Yeah, I think that’s really great, because that’s an issue that I know I have a lot of problems with because in a lot of those meetings, Scott would have a lot of fantastic ideas. We would write it down, and then, as time went on, I would have a really difficult time trying to balance all of my work load and get those things done. That is something that I know myself personally. I’d do need to work on and really stick to the plan. So I think if you both have an agreement that you are going to follow the plan than that will definitely work out, right?
Scott
Exactly. Just don’t agree to stuff in the meeting that you don’t want to do. If you don’t want to do it, then have a discussion on why you don’t want to do it, don’t agree to something, then pretend to move forward and don’t actually do any work on it.
Carole
Yeah, but what happens if during the meeting you actually do want to do those things? And then life gets in the way and you find your workload increases or you have other things that seem to be more important? What do you do when you can’t actually go forward with everything on your to do list?
Scott
We’re gonna have to let you go, Carole. I’m sorry about that. Just gather up your stuff in a box and away you go.
Carole
Nowadays we have our meetings at our home studio office when it’s 85 degrees or 90 degrees in our studio office. Scott and I go and take advantage of going to different locations to have our meetings, and that seems to work out well because we’re in public. We can’t yell at each other,
Scott
at least that much!
Carole
weaken glare at each other. A
Scott
lot of glory people, a lot of glaring. Well, it’s based on the temperature here in Los Angeles, because when it gets really hot, Starbucks has the best air conditioning. They need to keep it nice and frosty cold because they’re serving hot beverages.
Carole
But the problem with that is that nowadays they’ve taken away all of the electrical outlets. So what we seem to do is we go to Starbucks, order another coffee shop, and we work until our computers die about what happens.
Scott
That’s that’s how we set a time limit. Soon, as our batteries air out, we’re out of there. The other purpose that that serves as it gets you out of your studio into a different environment. And it causes you to think differently because it’s so easy to find the routine in the pattern of a space that you’re used to being in. It’s that thing where you walk by something that’s been on the floor or a hole in the ceiling day after day after day, to the point where you don’t even see it anymore. So we try to go to different places. It sparks creativity, it sparks, different way to see the world and specifically, our business
Carole
and each other.
Scott
What we’ve learned is there is a struggle to get constant work time together on our business. It’s important that you have a planning system. Even if it’s a white board. We can just write down dates for your meetings.
Carole
Right when we had the store, we had a white board that was on the wall. It was a large one. It was like four feet by six feet. We would have a lot of interesting ideas that we would keep up there. We would have dates that were deadlines. The dates were always there to look at, so that we could remind each other and be aware of when we were going to have meetings and when there was were deadlines. Let’s talk about Time Management number 7. It’s very easy when you’re a couple for your life to get in the way for your business and your life to merge together. And you really need to have, some type of a structure that moves your business and your personal life apart so that you can then focus more specifically on each side of your life. You need to really be not reactive, and you need to be proactive. So that’s something that we both have been working on. Sometimes we spend a lot of time together. Too much time, I would think sometimes,
Scott
No, not at all. Whatever are you talking about? I have a highly motivated spouse who keeps adding things to my list.
Carole
That’s you exactly. You had things to my list.
Scott
That’s why I brought it up. I am guilty of doing that.
Carole
Can you give me an example of what you mean by that?
Scott
Sure, I get excited about the business. I come up with a bunch of ideas and I start sticking them to you. Hey Carole, can you do this? You have a full time job and putting these extra things on your list you just don’t have time for It’s physically impossible.
Carole
Doing videos doing podcast doing reels. Instagram posts, Facebook, Post social media. Those are things that all of a sudden I’m like. Okay, I need to do those things. I know I need to do them and Scott keeps me in line. So even though it seems like perhaps sometimes I get overwhelmed with all that, I actually do really appreciate that you try to help me along with those things.
Scott
An issue for me is I feel sometimes I don’t always get as much done as I think I should. That’s why I find myself working up to midnight. Some nights I’ll get involved in a project like at 11 o’clock in the morning, and I just keep going and going and going. I do break for dinner and lunch and things like that take more for a little bit of a walk. But it’s easy to go down the rabbit hole, and after a couple days you can just burn out. I find I don’t go to the gym. I don’t meditate. I don’t sleep well because I’m constantly thinking. Or as I get into bed, I’m looking on YouTube to try and figure something out. So it’s really important to get that planner happening. Pick out the times for the meetings and also pick out the time to execute on your ideas. One of the big lessons we’ve learned at this point is to use a planner. It’s so difficult to keep everything up in your head. It just rolls around. There’s more things to add. Once you write it down, you can just let it go and go back to the planner. Planners are huge. Get yourself a planner.
Carole
Number Eight Be Positive. You have a relationship with your business partner and there your life partner, too, so really enjoy the experience. You’re gonna grow together. Hopefully, you’re gonna grow in a positive way and It’s not going to be something that’s detrimental to you. But really, if you have decided to work with your partner, then make it a really positive experience, sometimes we’re laughing. Scott’s very, very funny, as you can tell, and sometimes we’ll put the music on will dance. Sometimes Scott will sing. He’s got a good voice. He used to be a singer, and I’m very grateful and appreciative of what I’ve learned from him and what we’ve created together. How about you, Scott?
Scott
It’s so easy to be a big cloud in any situation.
Carole
Debbie Downer
Scott
It’s more difficult to be positive and see the positive and see the options. Really stick with your guns. Stick with your passion. Stick with your direction that you’ve decided to take your company and focus on the positive of those directions because it is so easy to slide into darkness.
Carole
So what do you do when it starts to go dark? How do you make it positive?
Scott
Self awareness is huge. It’s so important to be aware of how you feel what’s making you feel that way. So for me, I reassess as I’m going through my day, how my feeling, how Is this making me feel? Why am I feeling this way? And if I can catch it, I hit the brakes. Take a minute, step outside of what it is, add some positivity to it and get back in.
Carole
One thing that I think is interesting is that I sometimes have a lot of stress because I work full time also. And sometimes I can feel like I may be a Debbie Downer. What are things that you’ve done to help me be positive? Because I feel that you are a real positive force in my life, and that’s something that I do rely on you for. And I really thank you for that, because I feel that somehow you are able to bring me out of those times when I do feel a little stressed. What is it that you can do to help your partner when they feel down?
Scott
Empathy. Everyone goes and flows with the day. Having empathy for your partner allows you this space to stand back and say, Hey, listen, I’ve noticed this. What’s going on and have a conversation about it? The partner is generally appreciative because they get wrapped up in their head they get busy. I got to get the kids. I got to do this. I gotta pick this up. You get that monkey on the brain kind of thing where it’s just running around in a wheel going Ah ah, my monkey impression.
Carole
I guess that goes back to really number one listening and communicating. So I think those were really two of the things that are very important from this whole discussion. We need to be able to listen to each other, need to be able to respect and communicate with each other, make it a really positive experience. You’re working on something that’s together, that you are creating something new that no one else in this world is doing. And only, you and your partner can do it together. You’re unique, and you’re going to make something that’s really amazing.
Scott
Carole, That’s really positive.
Carole
Okay, So, Worth The Spend, Scott, I love this section that we have. Tell me about what we’re going to discuss today.
Scott
Planners, planners and more planners.
Carole
What is your planner?
Scott
I have two planners that I’ve fallen in love with. The most recent one that I have is the Productivity’s Planner and they’re at www.ProductivityPlanner.com. The cornerstone of this planner is the Pomodoro method. What that is in the simplest terms is you plan and execute you execute your plan in 25 minute increments. Then you take a break for five minutes and you celebrate. You get a glass of water, you go say hi to mo and then you get back at it. That’s the simplest form of it. And you just stack. These Pomodoro is up and you get through your process. You get up in the morning or the day before and you write out your most important things that you want to get done in that day, you pick one thing the most important that when you’re laying your head down at the end of the day, you feel like you’ve accomplished something because you’ve done that one thing that’s the most important thing. You start on that and you don’t start on number two until you finish number one. That’s the idea of that. The other planner that I totally love is the Passion Planner and they are at www.PassionPlanner.com. And that’s more of a traditional planner now I do like having a Monday to Friday planner. I can make specific times that I want to do everything I can look at it at a glance at the beginning. They have sections on Dream Big, Break It Down, Work At It and Reflect. So they have a whole system that they have in place that you just walk through about your dreams and your goals and your aspirations and step by step, how you get to that point. So for me, both the Productivity Planner and the Passion Planner Worth The Spend. What about you, Carole?
Carole
Well, I’ve found that I did have the Passion Planner and I used it last year. However, I was not working a full time job, and so I did not have a lot of appointments, and I didn’t really need all of the space to write all of the different times down and appointments, etcetera. So this year I changed it up. I went to Erin Condron Planners. www.ErinCondron.com So what I love about that is Erin Condron has an online store She also has four stores throughout the country. They have over 200 different covers that you can choose and clip into your ring binder. And they have different types of planners. They have a deluxe monthly planner, and they have something called a life planner. Now the life planner is somewhat like the Passion planner because it has a day by day, a section where you can write all your appointments every day. But I decided I don’t need that, because with my job, all I need to keep track of our what are the chefs that are going to be coming into my business? And I need to just write down the dates that they’re going to be there. Sometimes I have customer CSIs, customer service issues. I need to write those down in notes. So the monthly planner is the way I decided to go. It’s got a couple pages for every month at the beginning, where you can write whose birthday is that month monthly goals. It gives you extra space where you can make it what you want. And then there’s a monthly calendar, and then there are three or four pages of blank lined notes pages. So I love that. The other thing that I got really into which I’ve never really spent the time looking at it. But I have been ever since I lived in Japan in 1990. I always loved stationery stores. The reason is I loved pens. I love different kinds of pens, different colors, brush tips, hard pilot tips. I also love washi tape, so washi tape are different types of tapes that have all kinds of prints on them. People who use planners used them to make their planners beautiful. It makes the time that you spend planning really a creative endeavor, and I found last week when I sat down and did my January, February and March calendar for the month, I was putting the planner washi tape down. I was writing my notes and different colors. The actual time that it took gave me actually some meditation, and it was really relaxing and gave me a more awareness of what is happening that month, and I actually was able to spend more time thinking about it and concentrating on it. So I really feel that by using a planner with washi tape and colors and stickers that it will give me Not only a time to actually meditate and be more aware of what’s on my schedule, but it makes it fun, and it helps me use my time to be creative. So that’s why I think the Erin Condron planner is worth the spend.
Scott
Hey Carole, what have we been up to lately?
Carole
Well, last week we had a great time. We were making a slow mo food video. We did a lot of different things. Scott, how did you come up with the idea to do this?
Scott
We had a client. They had asked us, do we have a trailer? We have a lot of different shows that we’ve shot with food in them, but we don’t have a trailer. And I thought, you know what? Instead of going through all this back catalogue and putting the trailer together, why don’t we shoot a trailer? And who doesn’t? Come on people who doesn’t like a trailer of food in slow motion. I have a GH4, which shoots at 96 frames per second and also an iPhone, which shoots at 240 frames per second. We implemented both of those cameras, we bought a whole bunch of produce. Think we have salmon in their ice cream. There’s a whole bunch of different great shots in there. We put together a 58 sec promo reel, and it turned out really fun. It’s got a lot of interesting shots in there, and it gives our clients the ability to see what we can do.
Carole
Right. I think some of the most exciting shots are when I had flour all over my hands, I clapped it. And in slow motion you see a huge explosion of flour. We did a lot of water shots inside of a 20 gallon water aquarium. That was really fun.
Scott
We have the slow motion video up on our website. It’s www.ThisIsYu. com, and it’s under video. It’s the top video that we have up there right now. Well, Carole, I’m just looking at the old clock on the wall, and I think it’s time that we sign off.
Carole
Okay. So as Scott said, you could reach us on our website. ThisIsYu.com Yu spelled. Y u And at Instagram
Scott
We’re @ThisIsYuOfficial. Yu once again spelled,Yu. Guys, we really appreciate you listening to this podcast.
Carole
If you want to tell your grandmother or some other working couple about this amazing podcast…
Scott
Go to Apple Podcasts and SEARCH…This Is Yu podcast or obviously listen to it anywhere else you guys listen to great podcasts! Guys, we are waving to you through the microphone from myself. Scott, Stewart and
Carole
Carole Yu.
Scott
We’re signing off this week, remember? Please comment. We love to hear your comments. Give us some ratings on Apple podcast. We appreciate it. Thanks, guys.
Carole
Remember to subscribe Bye
